Hi y'all, I try to tease out the differences between intoxication and incapacity to consent, because I often hear confusion about "drunk sex". This is a murky topic but I hope this helps. The important thing to remember, it's never a survivor's fault. Ways to stay safe and ensure others' safety is:
1) avoid having sexual contact with someone who is incapacitated (even if you are not sure that they are).
2) if you need help doing step 1, enlist responsible friends to make sure you don't initiate contact with this incapacitated person.
3) drink/consume drugs responsibly, because we still live in a culture that condones sexual violence and while that is not your fault and unfair, your safety matters.
Please read this amazing resource that answers questions far better than I did: everydayfeminism.com/2016/05/alcohol-and-consent-questions/