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William, I wish there was an easy answer to your question as I'm sure the intensity of your grief compounded by your PTSD is overwhelming at times. Both are trauma responses and can be helped with a trauma specialist who understands and is trained in treating prolonged grief disorder. Some things in the meantime you might want to try are: 1. don't avoid reminders of your loss (such as avoiding certain places) 2. stay connected to your support system and let them be there for you 3. remain active in things you like to do 4. keep taking care of your basic needs including exercise, good sleep, healthy eating 5. consider how you have changed as a person, perhaps for the better, since your loss. We are amazing creatures in that we are resilient and can experience post-traumatic growth. So along with the pain perhaps are areas in your life in which you have grown, such as becoming more empathetic or considering what is worth responding to versus what you can let go of. These are just some ideas, and I am sending you healing thoughts and hopes for an "unstuck" future

Yes, but definitely found in other cultures. It truly is culturally influenced!

Marielynn, I am very happy to hear it was helpful!

Cheyenne, it means so much for you to share that with me!

Cheyenne, I really appreciate you appreciating my story!

I could not agree more! We don't stop grieving. I lost my brother 24 years ago and there are times where it still hurts a lot, especially around birthdays and holidays. Prolonged grief, however, is really different. It's when even after a year has passed, the grievers isn't functioning well at all. They aren't engaging in life, for example, at all. They shut themselves off from all people. They avoid finding ways to integrate their loss into their narrative, so the loss remain front and center as if it has just occurred, even after years! Sometimes the pain is so devastating that even after decades they haven't found a way to enjoy life again in a new way. So there's a big difference. Of all people, I know grief is perfectly normal! My entire group practice is founded on that principle. But I am also aware of those who are suffering and cannot find their way out of the pain no matter how long the loss occurred. Instead of having their pain, they remain IN pain. But we carry the loss alwaysl

Losing a parent is sometimes (and I don't want to make assumptions here) such a loss to feeling connected to our part and future at the same time. It sounds like she was a very important person in your life, and that her loss has really thrown your life into a spiral. I hope you find a way to allow yourself to grieve without feeling the pressure to "move on." We may "move forward," but what would that mean to you? When you're ready, and if you allow yourself the process, you will find your way. Your grief won't just disappear, of course. But you will find a way to life around your grief again.

Dominik, I am so very sorry to hear that a professional couldn't help, but am very pleased you found support and healing through your friend!

It's like everyone especially my daughters make me feel like I'm over reacting I feel guilty for feeling worse than when my dad died and my dad I still haven't let That go but other trauma loss have happened since that have forced me to suppress.. example Been homeless for 6 months and loosing both my dogs within that 6 months my protection while I was homeles like I feel in complete danger in life and feel like I'm next. Like my dog dying was my only last one safe connection and I couldn't save her..

Not only have you experienced tremendous trauma, but are also navigating your grief. Our fur babies are very painful to lose (I just lost mine 3 weeks ago). PGD can occur as a loss that lends itself to PGD, and I have treated an individual in just this case. It could prove extremely helpful to find a trauma therapist to help you find healing and hope again.

Mary Ellen, I couldn't agree more! Two weeks ago, Carmella (see above) made the same observation. It's what I feel is a response to your statement that fits as well.

I'm sorry to learn that your attempts at finding support from a therapist who is able to weave in the spiritual aspects of your loss. Don't give up! I know that everyone who works for me is open to talking about spirituality. I mean, what else brings up more spiritual and existential questions than loss??

yes! I shared this with my podcast guest and she said she can really relate! Acclimating is a process that takes a lot of time. You'll get there. Maybe find others from South Africa who could be a line to your culture of origin

Pleazs excuse my late response to your question. I've been navigating some major health issues and am just now returning to some semblance of work. First off...grace. It's been such a short period of time, and the loss of a spouse is one of the most complicated and painful ones that a person can experience. It sounds like your grief is so intense that it's really impacting so many areas of your life. It also sounds like you have tried so many ways to improve your sleep, which in turn will expand your bandwidth to navigate these rocky waters. From your post, I can see you have reflected not only on your grief, but all the ways in which the loss of your wife has led to loss of potential futures, physical touch, your witness of your life, and your secure attachment to another loved one. That attachment is so very much part of our experience, and it is exactly why the pain can be so disorienting. You will find your way. Allow yourself to grieve as you do in your own way. In terms of sleep, here is what I have (some of which you mentioned, but I'll do so again here): 1. cool, dark room 2. No caffeine at all (in your case) 3. no electronics at least 1 hour before bed 4. no eating 3 hours before bedtime 5. Consistent, solid routine before bed 6. perhaps a warm shower 7. ear plugs (I find this extremely helpful myself) 8. journaling all the thoughts racing in your mind can help slow you mind down. I hope you all the best.

@@phoenixrisingwithdrz Thank you so much, and prayers for your health concerns also 😇

Elaine, it sounds like your dad was a central figure in your life, and his loss has affected the landscape of your life so much that it still feels raw. Do you find it helpful to talk with people about your grief? If not, is there a way to find someone or a group to help you with your process?

Keith, wouldn't that be nice! Multiple losses often lead to bereavement overload. There's no one person or thing to grieve "first." It all feels like a big loss with strands of individual, distinct losses. This is a great idea for a future podcast. I'll put it on my list! Thank you for the suggestion

I’m so glad that you found the episode. Helpful!

What a beautiful way to honor his Memory.

Trying to find a way to remain connected to somebody that we can’t be physically connected to any longer is unimaginable. The pain of their physical presence is overwhelming and trying to find ways to reestablish routines and rituals that you had as a family might be a healthy step towards healing. My brother actually died on Christmas day at the age of 22 years old from a drug overdose. Christmas is always been a difficult time for me Personally, and I make choices not even to work with my patience during that time of the year because I know that it’s it’s difficult for me. But I did create some rituals which there is an episode in my podcast that you can find talks a lot more about rituals. I hope you find it helpful and I wish you nothing but Healing and connection you continue to work towards anchoring yourself

My goodness, the bereavement overload must feel so difficult. I’m sure you may feel your son lost knowing them and it wasn’t the future your envisioned. My sincere condolences for you And your family.

Oh my goodness, Janine! That is so much to bear! I'm sorry to hear of how difficult this has been. I wonder in what way you found your way and what you learned about yourself that has led to growth?

@@phoenixrisingwithdrz thank you for your kind words. I think each person lost has come with its own lessons and also each has been experienced very differently too. I definitely got stuck in the guilt stage with my sister I'm still stuck in the angry stage with my father. Can this take a lifetime to work through? I think one of the lessons so far is that you really do come in and go out alone. I've learnt a LOT medically. I've learnt how little sweating the small stuff matters. Death has a profound way of shifting your perspective on things. It's very easy to still get completely swallowed up by all the grief so keeping busy to the point of almost permanent burnout has become a nasty "coping" skill. Could probably go on forever but just wanted to say thank you for your response x

I couldn’t even begin to imagine how difficult this has been. It’s amazing the strength you must have to continue to grieve so many of them in such a short time

Wow, Janine. That must be so much to process that many losses in such a short period of time. We "see" our futures as being so different sometimes, and we grieve the loss of those potential futures as well. There is always grief in trauma, but not always trauma in grief. You appear to be working towards navigating your trauma while grieving as well. This is not an easy process at all! I hope you find healing and a way to integrate your losses and trauma into the narrative of your life so it's fulfilling again.

Yessss, people really don't understand how devastating living life without even one person left to love and comfort u is.

Thank you for the feedback!

Having brownies made every year by me is one way I remain connected to my brother and our memories of our childhood

How interesting to share that similarity. Thank you!

That’s a Very complicated relationship, and grieving the loss of the father you never really knew and didn’t know how to navigate any opportunity. Your future self would have liked to see. Hope you are finding ways to heal those wounds, Reina connected with him as you feel fit to do so. Sounds like you are being tough on yourself as well. Please just know that we can only do the best we can and that point in our lives. Looking back Ken keep the guilt alive, and the grief ends up with hindsight bias.

Ana, I lost my oldest son almost 2.5 years ago. He died in December of 2021 and would've turned 30 on Christmas Eve. His younger brother and I have not been able to celebrate Christmas since. What you wrote is me, too. I wish I could help myself somehow to then have a way to help you with some kind of wisdom, but I have none. We are living our worst nightmare and I don't see any way to wake up from it apart from the obvious 'cure', which I will not do for the sake of my son. But I am utterly adrift and lost now without him. Please know you're not alone.

Ana, I lost my oldest son almost 2.5 years ago. He died in December of 2021 and would've turned 30 on Christmas Eve. His younger brother and I have not been able to celebrate Christmas since. What you wrote is me, too. I wish I could help myself somehow to then have a way to help you with some kind of wisdom, but I have none. We are living our worst nightmare and I don't see any way to wake up from it apart from the obvious 'cure', which I will not do for the sake of my son. But I am utterly adrift and lost now without him. Please know you're not alone.

I can’t imagine that much loss. The loss of a child is like no other, and it takes a long time to get to a place of even functioning. It sounds like finding a specialist in grief and trauma, if you haven’t already done so, could prove to be very helpful. This is case that, in my mind, would require somebody who really is trained and notwithout having in-depth treatment with prolonged grief. I’m so very sorry to hear of your losses.

Thank you for being so vulnerable with sharing your loss and continuing to search for purpose and meaning

Sara Michelle, thank you for your feedback. My heart hurts to hear of the loss of your daughter. I apologize for my late response to your post. I'm currently undergoing some serious health issues and haven't had the bandwidth to respond to all the replies to the podcast. But please know I recognize that this has been nothing short of a painful process for you. I wish you well!

I’m so sorry about the loss of your father so suddenly. And what a beautiful memory to have to maintain that ritual as a continued bond I wish you lots of healing.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my boy 3 weeks ago. I’ve never wept until I lost him. I’ve cried in the past, but this is the first time I’ve ever wept.

I can only imagine the sorrow, pain, and loneliness of your loss. This is absolutely a raw and numbing time that, in your case, has you overwhelmed with painful emotions and disturbing, disorienting feelings and thoughts. Keep writing those letters! It's a great way to help staying connected. You also could try writing a letter "back" to your as if it is her response to your letters.

@@browneyedgirl1542 My goodness, only 3 weeks. It must feel like your life has shattered )as it has. Life will never be the same). You'll find a new normal, but it takes a lot of time to process and move forward from the intensity of your grief. Of course you will always grieve, and that's OK. Finding a way to remain connected to him while also returning to life can be extremely challenging!

@@phoenixrisingwithdrz I’ve written a few letters ’from’ Cheri. I knew her for a long time and have an idea what she would say. That has actually helped me. These grief attacks are hard…

I'm very happy to hear it was helpful! And I appreciate your work to help with those seeking their clinical paths

I think that’s what we are getting at here. These “stages” just don’t exist. Everyone’s grief is so unique…and if we pigeon hole a persons grief into this “theory” that really was never even meant to be used for bereft people, we can lead them to feel they are grieving “wrong.” We can get stuck in our grief to the point where we don’t function. Don’t get back into our lives and find purpose. That’s a whole different level of grief gone awry. But carrying rage in so many cases is a real emotion to be validated. I hope you found your healing! Thanks for your post. I very much appreciate your share. ~ Dr. Z